Poem: Temptation to Deconstruct. Decision to Reconstruct.
In the final moments of ecclesiastical crisis and despair, this non-denomination-evangelical sensed whispers once again to consider leaving the church—and to finally do it this time!
After much struggle and temptation to deconstruct her faith, she instead leaned into Scripture and turned to church history, deciding to reconstruct her faith. Christ met her in this struggle. He provided a preacher, one whom she could hear; a Lutheran pastor was in a coffee shop at precisely the right moment. A conversation happened, and he gave her a copy of The Smaller Catechism. She read this new little book in three days, then started on the Book of Concord, which she read most of.
The first part of this free-style-poetic-polemic-of-sorts are the deep heart cries of her final "Ah-Ha Moment" on the Eucharist as she sat in what would become her last Sunday at the Non-Denom-Evangelical church.
She wrote the second part after her ecclesiastical crisis finally made sense, and she became a Confessional Lutheran. It reflects on her experience after communing and receiving Christ's Body and Blood at her LCMS church.
Temptation to Deconstruct. Decision to Reconstruct.
Lucky Charms at worst,
Processed and fake.
"Nourishment" for the week.
Charcuterie at best,
Beautiful artisan arrangement.
Nibbly Nourishment for the weak.
Thin-cut shaved salty meats,
Treats.
Meat treats.
The kind that go along with
things delicately sweet.
Drizzled honey,
Fruits - fresh and dried.
Rich cheese, Nutty nuts,
Whatever you like!
Come try!
It's there for you!
Take. Eat.
What's not to love?
Come!
Take. Eat.
All of our Agape Meals.
Something for everyone:
Dairy-free, gluten-free, sugar-free,
Modified for just you!
Don’t you see?!
We love you?
Jesus loves you too!
Oh! It's Communion time!
Remember, Remembrance only.
I ate, and enjoyed,
From fellowship times to communion times.
I ate and ate and ate
And tried.
Tried To get full.
But I couldn’t.
I couldn't get full, so I left hungry.
Hungry time and time again,
Though feasting and feasting—
constantly,
continuously,
discontentedly.
Why can't I get full?
What is wrong?
Satisfaction and satiety,
Unrealized nonrealities.
Leave! Just Leave!
And finally do it this time!
LORD! I know You're Real and You promise in Your Word,
to satisfy thirst and hunger,
but I cannot find it.
What's wrong?!
Don't you remember?
These promises in Your Word?
Temptations to deconstruct.
Decisions to reconstruct.
Oh.God.My.God! I see!
I see faith and satiety!
Charcuterie is not a meal.
It's a fancy presentation for a nice little time.
I need a meal.
A meal meant to fill.
The kind of meat that's rich and filling.
With Bread and butter.
And wine.
The, stick-to-your-ribs, kind.
Satisfaction to satiety.
Until I come again.
To Take. Eat.
This is what I crave
This is what I need.
Eyes of faith to see and know...
There it is!
That Meal!
Meant to Satisfy.
Meant to Heal.
Come and receive.
"This IS My Body."
Broken for you.
Take. Eat.
Be filled, be satisfied.
With Me.
The very Me for you.
Take drink.
This is My Blood.
Shed for you.
[But how oh, Lord, how is this so!?]
A Stumbling Block, I know.
But that is what I am—
A Rock of offense
A Chief Cornerstone
Many will stumble and fall over Me.
And won't get up and come.
Will you too?
My Body was broken for you.
My Blood was shed for you.
Come, take, eat. Receive.
Drink. Drink if it, all of you,
Broken Little Lamb, that means you too.
Be satisfied.
Be filled.
Be filled with Life.
My very Life.
My Life Blood.
As you eat,
Sin transferred.
Shame taken.
Off you. Onto Me.
Perfect unity.
As you drink,
Sinlessness transferred.
Righteousness given.
Of Me. Onto you.
Perfect unity.
Lord, have mercy,
Christ, have mercy,
Lord, have mercy.
Thanks be to God.
His Righteousness for me.
Imputed to me—
On, in and under me.
How? I do not know.
But I believe...
His Body and Blood shed for me.
And now He's here.
How? I do not know.
On, in and under...
I believe.
I took,
I ate,
I drank.
Drank deeply in faith.
Pause.
Tears.
Relief.
How full I am.
So full, that it spills out.
Like His life blood, spilled out.
For Him, and now for His Name's sake.
For others, for them that they'd be found in Him.
So full and being filled.
To pour out - again and again.
More and more, continue to pour.
Like that poor widow with her boy - and her miraculous vessel of oil,
I continue to pour—it doesn't run dry.
Oil of gladness and joy.
Praise be to God for His Body and Blood.
I'm full.
And will be filled again and again.
As often as I need.
By Merciful Christ.
Take. Eat. Drink,
And Receive.
Beautiful!