Leading Like a Woman in the Church: If God Can Use a Donkey, He Can Use You

When I worked in Corporate America, leadership was often framed as gender-neutral: “a good leader is a good leader.” And to some extent, I’d agree that’s true. Both men and women can inspire teams, set vision, and lead effectively. But when you step into church culture, where theology intersects with gender and calling, the landscape changes.

From the very beginning, God designed men and women to lead together, bearing His image in complementary ways. Deborah, for example, wasn’t waiting for someone to tell her she was allowed to lead. She was already sitting under her palm tree, leading Israel with strength, wisdom, and prophetic authority. She led men into battle, embodying a distinctly God-given confidence.

And yet, in modern church culture, when women step into leadership, we’re often met with resistance and scrutiny. Sometimes it’s subtle; sometimes it’s… not. I’ve had people who have never had a single conversation with me write blogs about me, complete with bold claims about my theology, motives, and calling. I always imagine them dramatically typing away, fueled by self-righteousness and caffeine, convinced they’re saving the church from “that one Jezebel” who dared to talk about women in leadership.

I say this with humor now, but at the time, if I’m honest, it stung. Still, I’ve come to see it as one of God’s refining gifts. Those experiences forced me to ask: Whose voice defines me? The answer is always freeing. My identity isn’t in public approval or institutional validation. It’s in Christ alone. He called me. He equipped me. And He continues to use me, even when others misunderstand or disapprove.

So to all my online critics: thank you. Truly. You’ve helped me become even more confident in who I am and what God has asked me to do. You’ve taught me that leadership in the church, especially as a woman, doesn’t mean proving yourself. It means remembering who your Shepherd is.

But I digress.

The Myth of Gender-Neutral Leadership

I once had a female leader tell me, “We should stop highlighting differences between men and women and just see everyone as coworkers.” I genuinely understand her heart, but the truth is, we are not the same. Men and women are equally called, equally valuable, and equally redeemed. But that doesn’t make us identical. Pretending there’s no difference doesn’t make things fair; it makes things flat. God didn’t design leadership to be one-size-fits-all. He designed it to reflect His image through the beauty of His design.

In the Church, we are forming the Body of Christ, and in that Body, the hand doesn’t try to be the foot. Paul’s reminder in 1 Corinthians 12 still stands: sameness was never the goal.

When we ignore the distinct ways men and women lead, we lose something vital. In my experience, women often bring relational intelligence, emotional depth, and integrative leadership that helps teams thrive in empathy and discernment. Men, often bring structure, decisiveness, and mission clarity. Both matter. Both are needed.

But when women feel pressure to lead like men, or when men suppress the softer, more relational aspects of their leadership, we end up with imbalance. The Church becomes brittle: efficient, maybe, but not whole.

If we’re honest, the Church has made gender matter theologically—so we can’t act like it doesn’t matter practically. If we’re going to draw theological lines about who can lead and what titles they can hold, then we can’t suddenly pretend gender doesn’t matter. To deny our distinctions is to deny part of God’s intentional design. Recognizing and honoring those differences doesn’t divide us; it strengthens the body and glorifies the Designer Himself.

Why It Matters in the Church

In church ministry, gender dynamics don’t disappear, they multiply. Especially in traditions like mine that reserve specific titles or ordination roles for men, the conversation becomes even more crucial. If women are told, “You can’t lead here,” then we have to ask, “Where can women lead—and how are we equipping them to do so faithfully?”

That’s not rebellion; that’s stewardship. Clarity is kindness.

For me, pursuing a Master of Divinity wasn’t about breaking barriers. It was about being faithful. It equipped me to preach the Gospel in my own context—in counseling sessions, women’s retreats, and one-on-one moments where someone desperately needs to hear the hope of forgiveness in Christ. When I can point someone to Jesus—to His cross, His mercy, His promise—that matters infinitely more than what someone else thinks I should or shouldn’t do.

I’ve had a sticky note hanging from my monitor since the start of my program, a little reminder not to grow weary. It has two lines I read daily. The first says, “Change often comes with a challenge to the status quo.” If everyone’s comfortable, you probably aren’t changing anything.

The second is a paraphrase from Martin Luther’s Temporal Authority: To What Extent It Should Be Obeyed on Numbers 22: “Even Balaam’s ass became a preacher.” If God can use a donkey to deliver His message, surely He can use me and you, too.

Working in church ministry has given me tremendous strength, not because I’ve had to prove myself, but because I’ve finally realized I don’t have to. Confidence in leadership doesn’t come from position or permission; it comes from identity. My worth isn’t up for debate.

So to every woman who’s ever second-guessed her place at the table: take a deep breath. Remember who called you. Lead with the gentleness and boldness of Christ. And if someone writes a blog about you… go ahead and print it, frame it, and thank God that you’re making enough of a ripple to be noticed. Remember, if God can speak through a donkey, surely He can speak through you. The same God who called ordinary voices to carry extraordinary truth still delights in doing so. So lead on, daughter of the King.

Moving Forward: Honoring Design, Expanding Leadership Culture

The healthiest churches don’t erase gender differences; they honor them. They don’t hand out “special treatment”; they cultivate intentional discipleship. The question isn’t whether women should lead. The question is whether we, as the Church, will make room for the fullness of God’s design to flourish in our leadership culture.

The fullness of the image of God is reflected through both men and women, leading side by side in the mission of Christ.

uniteleadership.org

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